


The Space Between

by novagrey



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, M/M, Second War with Voldemort, Serious, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-25
Updated: 2019-09-20
Packaged: 2019-10-15 23:35:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,460
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17538458
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/novagrey/pseuds/novagrey
Summary: All along it was Peter who betrayed the Potters, not Sirius. And now, Sirius is a fugitive. He & Remus have so many things to discuss, as hard as it can be do so via halfway cryptic letters, but some day perhaps the space between them will finally be closed.Takes place in the time period between Sirius's escape with Buckbeak & Sirius's death in OotP.EDIT: This is being rewritten, I know I just started but I feel like my Remus isn't how I want to write him, he feels OOC to me, I like a more brooding Remus and didn't hit the mark with it. I'm going to rewrite the existing chapters as well as add some new ones, so hold tight for a bit friends.





	1. Barking Mad

**Author's Note:**

> It has been literal years since I've posted any fanfiction, please be gentle.

Every minute muscle in his body was screaming in agony and even beneath the dark of his eyelids, alarm bells were going off in his head so heavily he thought he might throw up. There was a gentle warmth on his face and Remus cracked open his eyes, squinting at the sunlight illuminating dust particles through the window. He watched them for a moment, trying to rattle the weariness from his brain so he could pay attention to what exactly was wrong.

With a wince he slowly tilted his head - his neck was practically shouting in protest - to take in his surroundings. He was in the Hospital Ward and could make out the silhouette of Poppy Pomfrey through the frosted glass at the door. Recognising that is what caused the remembrance of last night’s events to hit him like the Whomping Willow.

_Sirius. The children._ Suddenly the pain of the transformation and the run through the Forbidden Forest was absolutely nothing. He sat bolt upright and flung the blankets off of himself, his feet falling flatly against the cool tile floor. His clothing (just a shirt and his trousers) was in tatters and he could feel the numerous lacerations across his chest, arms, and legs break open again as the crusted blood cracked with his movements - they weren’t deep enough to require attention but it twinged nonetheless.

He had no idea where his shoes or robes were but at this precise moment in time, it didn’t matter. He found his wand on a stand at the foot of his bed and snatched it up before willing himself to flee the ward. “Albus!” he croaked as he ran straight into the Healer. “Where’s Albus?”

“In his office, but Remus, is now really the time?” Madam Pomfrey asked, startled with a hand over her heart. “You need rest!”

“Bless you, Poppy, thank you!” he called over his shoulder as he dashed through the corridor. As he wound his way through the halls and up the many stairs his heart was pounding dangerously in his chest. He didn’t wake up in shackles or otherwise locked away, so he couldn’t have killed anyone. But something was wrong. The werewolf could feel it in his bones.

“Fudge Flies!” The password slipped past his lips without even thinking about it and he didn’t slow as the gargoyle stepped aside, allowing him to sprint up the stairs.

The door banged loudly on its hinges as Remus slammed it open. Before he could say anything at all, Albus interrupted him, as though expecting him.

“Ah, Remus. How glad I am to see you up and moving around,” the old wizard said softly. He was standing at the window, gazing out across the grounds wistfully. “There is something we must discuss-”

“Where’s Sirius?” Remus blurted. His patience was wearing thin for Albus’s games. “The children, are they safe?”

“Yes, Severus ensured they returned here relatively unharmed.” The Headmaster turned to face him now, approaching his desk silently. Albus always seemed to glide across the floor and it made Remus uneasy for some reason. “As for Sirius, I suspect he can take care of himself. Please, have a seat.”

“What do you mean he can take care of himself? Did I hurt him? Where is he?” So many questions were racing through his head that Remus thought he might fall over. Still, he declined to take a seat. He didn’t feel he could sit still at the moment, and he crossed his arms. His hands squeezed his upper arms as he rocked back and forth on his feet anxiously.

“I doubt you did much damage, I’m sure you remember his resilience from your school days.”

A frown tugged at the corners of Remus’s lips. Of course Albus had known, the all-seeing fool. “Where is he?” he repeated, a panic rising his chest as his superior dodged the question again.

“He seems to have escaped.” Albus looked over the top of his half-moon spectacles pointedly and Remus had a feeling he knew more information but felt like they couldn’t discuss it here. Fine, then, he would have to wait for more explanation.

“I see,” he replied. He let out a small huff, scratching at the back of his head now and looking away. “Well, then. I suppose I will return to my quarters.”

“As I said, there is something we must discuss. Please, take a seat, Remus. You’ll want to be seated, I believe.”

The panic fluttering in his chest rose again and his throat grew tight. With a strangled sigh of defeat, he stepped forward and sank into an armchair by the fireplace. “What is it, Albus? I don’t have the patience for this.”

“As I’m sure you’re aware, Severus is sour about Sirius’s escape,” Albus began. He clasped his hands in front of him on his desk, looking down at them as Remus scowled. “He believes you helped him.”

“He should know I couldn’t have possibly done that, he witnessed my transformation last night,” the ash-haired professor retorted easily, trying to stop himself from rolling his eyes.

“Yes, that seems to be part of the problem, doesn’t it?”

Realisation caused Remus’s stomach to lurch. He felt the room begin to spin around him and he knew what was coming next. “You don’t mean…”

“Yes, unfortunately. It is with much dismay I must inform you that Severus has let our little secret slip.” He remained silent for a moment before adding, “I am sorry, Remus. You know as well as I that I would love to have you remain here, but I know it will be difficult for you.”

“I know what they’ll say,” Remus rasped, his tight throat barely letting him get the words out. They were more of a whisper than a statement. “I understand, Albus.” He gritted his teeth and clenched his palms, and even more than his anger at Snape was a deadened feeling in his chest.

“You’ve been an excellent mentor to our students.”

“Thank you. I will have to decline the offer to stay. I know well how parents will react, and I know well the Ministry will see it fit to step in. I will save us both the trouble.” The words came without him consciously saying them. He’d rehearsed them many times. He always knew this day would come, though he had hoped it wouldn’t be so soon. And now the welcome mat that had been extended to him here in his new home was pulled from beneath him, just like it always had been in the past.

“It is a sad day for Hogwarts indeed,” Albus mused.

“Indeed…” Remus stood, turning to leave. “I’ll pack my things. Thank you for your kindness, Albus.”

“Remus?” The Headmaster stood and rounded his table, conjuring a pair of shoes out of seemingly thin air. “I believe yours were lost in the Forest. You may need these.”

“Thank you.” Remus tossed them to the floor, slipped into them, and the two parted ways.

He slipped through hidden passageways to return to his classroom - or, the classroom. Not his anymore. He didn’t need the map anymore to know these tunnels. His clothing was still in disarray and torn in many places. He didn’t have the energy to try a spell to fix it. Running to Albus’s office had already exerted more energy than he felt he had.

It had been so long since he had fully transformed without Wolfsbane and every fiber of his being was regretting it now. He wondered, now that he would be leaving, how long it would be until he could have it again.

He leaned on the doorway to the classroom as he found it. Cloudy eyes roaming over all of the desks and the lesson written on the chalkboard, it was all he could do to hold himself together. He’d never imagined a career he could fit into and enjoy, a career where he was doing important work and being appreciated. James and Sirius, they’d wanted to be Aurors, but Remus knew all too well there wouldn’t be a place for him at the Ministry. He never thought he’d have a chance like teaching at Hogwarts. If James and Lily were around now, they would have said it was the perfect fit. And now he’d lost it. He’d have to go back to small Muggle jobs to make ends meet. To barely scrape up rent, and if he couldn’t, to be homeless again. He’d have to move every few months again when people wondered why he was gone every week of the full moon.

With a shaky exhale, Remus stood straight again, his rough hands running lightly over the surface of each desk as he passed between them. The sun now fully in the sky basked the room in warmth and he wrung his hands, attempting to calm himself with sheer willpower. Up the curved staircase and into the room he had been staying in, he shut the door behind him to change into less shredded clothing. And, with a heavy heart, he began to pack his things.

* * *

Waiting for the train, Remus hung his head, pressing his forehead against his clasped hands that rested on a table at The Three Broomsticks. He closed his eyes, inhaling deeply the tantalizing scent of warm alcohol and baked meat pies. His last abode was owned by a Muggle landlady that he couldn’t rightfully Apparate to, and he was so physically spent from the night without Wolfsbane that he was worried he’d splinch if he tried anyway. His thumbs rubbed at his eyebrows absently, tracing over a scar on one side.

“Everything all right, Remus?” a familiar voice came. Looking up he was greeted with the sight of the lovely Rosmerta, who he’d known since his teenage years. How he managed to look still just as young, Remus would never know.

He let out a hiss of air, shaking his head. “Wish I could say it was. I’ve had to resign,” he replied dully, rubbing a hand over his face.

“You look terrible, love,” the barmaid observed, swiftly sliding into the booth opposite him. She reached her delicate hands across the table to grasp one of his. “No offence.”

Remus raised a hand to wave it away. She was right, after all.

Her voice lowered to a mumble as she leaned towards him. “Has this got something to do with Black?”

“Not truly,” the werewolf said with a shake of his head. And he wasn’t lying - he had always been positive there would be a slip up eventually. The students would have found out somehow. It had been inevitable. It always was. “I’d rather not share, if that’s all right with you, Rosmerta.”

“Of course. Can I get you a drink?”

Remus reached for his coin pouch, then hesitated. His main payment at Hogwarts was room & board, in terms of galleons it was pithy. Had to save every knut these days. “Can’t afford it, I’m afraid.”

“It’s on me, love.” Rosmerta gave a warm smile as she slid out of the booth and got to her feet.

“Really, I can’t accept that. You deserve to be paid for all that you do here,” he insisted.

A hearty laugh filled the air and she shook her head. “Please, Remus, I’ve been working here longer than you’ve been alive, just accept the generosity.” Before he could protest, she’d disappeared behind the bar.

Remus felt self-conscious about how much sighing he’d done but it was hard not to when his chest felt as tight as it did. He closed his eyes and leaned back into his booth, pressed into the corner of the bench and the wall. Crossing his ankles beneath the table, he folded his arms across his abdomen, like he might fall apart if he didn’t hang on to his sides.

A moment later, his eyes fluttered open as he heard a clink in front of him and a strong scent wafted towards him.

“Here you are, love. A tall order of Bungbarrel and a shepherd’s pie. On the house.” Rosmerta winked at him, giving him a pat on the shoulder and waving away his attempts to thank her. “Don’t mention it.”

He wasted no time delving into the shepherd’s pie. His tongue rolled each savored bite in his mouth as he wondered when he’d next eat something so warm and filling. The spiced mead brought heat to his face and Remus found himself wishing this tankard would never end. But, as all things do, it did.

With his last bite of pie, he realized this had been a mistake. His stomach clenched as he willed himself to keep the food down. Nothing ever agreed with him the week of the moon, but he was determined to not let his last Three Broomsticks visit for the foreseeable future come back up before he’d had a chance to digest.

Full of mead, he forced his tired legs to stand as he got out of the booth. His train would arrive at any moment. Praying silently to himself that the Bungbarrel would at least allow him to sleep on the journey, he draped his scarf around his neck, pulled on his coat, and made his way out into the cold.

* * *

His knuckles hurt as he stood on the step outside the second-floor flat, rapping on the door. It was an ungodly time of night and he felt terrible. Wondering if the landlady even still lived here and if the bottom flat was still empty, he tried to come up with a plan if she wasn’t. Where would he go?

Luckily he didn’t need to wonder long. After a few moments, he heard a shuffling and the door creaked open a crack. “Who at this ungodly time of night–?”

“I’m sorry to wake you, Mrs. Gilkes. I know it’s late, please forgive me. It seems like my new arrangements have fallen through and I’m wondering if you’ll still have me as a tenant.”

The old woman looked up into his face and a weary smile broke on her lips. “Oh, Remus! What a pleasure to see you again.”

“You too, Mrs. Gilkes,” he replied robotically as he returned the gentle hug she reached out for. “Sorry for the short notice.”

“That’s alright, dear. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but there’s a new tenant moving in next week.”

“I see.” He tried to keep his voice from going sour. “No worries, then. I can find somewhere.”

“You look absolutely knackered, dear. Why don’t you head down there and stay just the night? There’s not much in the way of furnishings right now, but at least to get out of the cold. I’ll go turn on the heat now.”

Remus let out a breath of relief. That was better than nothing. “Thank you, I’ll do that. Is it unlocked?”

“Yes, feel free to show yourself in.”

He nodded and bid her goodnight, creaking back down the stairs and letting himself into the dingy cottage flat. It had been a while since he’d been into a Muggle household like this, but he remembered where the light switch was and the darkness in the room lifted just a little in the weak incandescent glow. The entire place was covered in a thin layer of dust. There were two ancient armchairs in the main room, and that seemed to be about it. As he dipped into the bedroom to find there was not even a bed, he groaned.

It wasn’t like he hadn’t slept in more uncomfortable places, but his body was going to hate him for having to sleep in a chair after a night like the last one. With a horrible reminder of just what state said body was in, he jerked himself into the bathroom, making it to the toilet just in time to retch into it. _There goes that meal,_ he thought to himself miserably, confined to the bathroom floor for several more moments as more came up. _Damn it._

* * *

He wasn’t sure how long he’d been there, sleeping on the floor of the tiny bathroom, but that’s where he found himself as he awoke. His eyes cracked open, bloodshot and tired - it was still dark outside the window - but something felt wrong. Like he was being watched.

Turning his head to the doorway, Remus fell back against the wall in surprise as he snatched at his wand. “Expelliarmus!” he shouted hoarsely at the figure in the doorway. He cursed loudly as he realized who was standing there, shaking his head and putting a hand over his chest.

A crazed laugh came from Sirius’s chest as he lifted up his empty hands. “I’ve not got a wand, friend.”

The fear had died, but was suddenly reinvigorated as he realized Sirius was here. In an instant he was on his feet and had grabbed Sirius by the front of his shirt and slammed him against the wall opposite the bathroom door. “ _Are you barking mad?_ ” he hissed. “ _The entire damn country is being scoured by the Ministry looking for you this very moment! Do you want to get us both thrown back into Azkaban?_ ”

Sirius continued to laugh, harder now. “I’ve already escaped once, what’s another time?”

“ _Do I mean nothing to you?_ ” Remus’s voice was raising and at this rate, he didn’t care if he woke the landlady. He could handle her later.

The smile wiped itself from Sirius’s face instantly. He looked away. “They’re looking for me, not a ruddy dog. Back off, Moony.”

Remus shoved himself away from Sirius, taking a step back. He looked up at the ceiling, laughing at the sheer audacity of the man before him and raising his hands in exasperation. “Back off, sure. I’d die in Azkaban, Sirius. I’m not like you. You’re endangering us all by being here.”

“All right, I see how it is you bloody drama queen.”

Remus’s eyes hardened, glinting almost maliciously as he locked them on Sirius again. He felt insane, the fear and anger coursing through his veins threatening to drag him under as he stood there, still weak. “You should leave, Sirius.”

“C’mon, I just needed to–”

“That wasn’t a question,” the werewolf cut the Animagus off. “Get. Out.” His hands shook as he raised his wand. “I need you alive. I can’t lose you again. Get out of here and save us both.”

Sirius’s face paled and without a word he nodded, becoming a dog before Remus’s eyes, and slipped out of the flat.

Remus followed him around the corner to the main room and watched him leave, shutting and locking the door behind him. Then, he collapsed into one of the dusty armchairs, and for the first time in years, his body was racked with sobs.


	2. Race You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first chapter is entirely new, and everything going forward is being totally rewritten, so be sure to reread if you already previously read what was here!

The last year had taken its toll despite the exciting events it had brought and Remus found himself sprawled across a bed at the Leaky Cauldron. It was August 5th, 1994, and the stifling humidity was seeping into the inn, penetrating any charms Tom had tried to keep it cool and dry. Remus didn’t mind the rain when it was still cool, but it had been wetter than usual this year and with the heat of summer the humidity had become too much to bear.

On top of his regular monthly transformations, Remus had had quite enough of life and wished more than anything that he could have just a peaceful existence. The term had ended almost two months ago and Albus had kindly agreed to put him up here until he could find more permanent lodging after he wrote that his previous arrangement had fallen through. Given this generosity, he probably should have been trying harder to find new work, but it was the last thing on his mind, particularly with his noted lack of Wolfsbane. Every full moon, Remus had to take the same precautions. Magically soundproofing, barricading, and so forth. He hated it, always worrying that he may slip up and forget something, so the process took much longer than it should and much more energy than usual as he repeated the same spells sometimes up to five times just to be certain he didn’t forget. No longer on speaking terms with Severus since his resignation, for obvious reasons of course, he had written to Horace Slughorn, his former Potions teacher. He was desperate for Wolfsbane, and hoped the retired professor could offer some advice. Slughorn hadn’t written him back, and Remus yearned now more than ever that Lily Potter was still alive. She’d been the best brewer he knew in her life, and with her passing that title fell to Snape & Slughorn.

The werewolf pressed his palms against his closed eyes and let out a huff. Coming to terms with everything that had happened was still a bit beyond his grasp. His thoughts were racing, making a mockery of how sluggish he felt in the humidity and the exhaustion. His light eyes flitted to the desk where a half-empty bottle of Swott Malt Whisky he’d purchased from the bar downstairs sat, and as tempting as it was, in the back of his head Remus knew it would only make things worse.

The more he thought about things, the more dangerously close to a full-on panic attack he became. His heart thumped in his chest and his throat felt dry and strained. Breathing hitching, he knew he needed to do something about it before he lost control.

Pulling himself into a sitting position, Remus rolled up his sleeves and tugged at the collar of the shirt, popping open the top button. His hands trembling, he unbuttoned the rest of them. It was just too warm. He moved to the small desk in the room, retrieving parchment, a bottle of ink, and a quill from the drawer before he set to work.

Writing down everything on his mind seemed to help slow his thoughts and calm him down. He dipped the quill into the ink and began his neat script across the page. His hand flowed swiftly and even in his sluggish state his handwriting was precise and perfect.

He started with the job offer, Albus tracking him down to his old run-down cottage flat in Yorkshire. It was the day of the full moon and he’d come with a gift to sweeten the deal - Wolfsbane. Remus wondered now if that was a ploy to convince him to say yes even if he hadn’t wanted to. And, of course, Remus had considered declining and almost did. But how can you say no to the one thing that could help soothe your affliction?

He continued with the escape of Sirius Black from Azkaban. The only person known to have escaped. After 12 long years of silence, he’d slipped out. Dementors were positioned at Hogwarts to try and keep the children safe. This was something Remus could never rationalize - Dementors were the kind of creatures good at keeping things locked up, sucking their willpower to even attempt an escape over the course of days, months, and years. But they weren’t the kind of guardians needed to keep an alleged murderer out.

Remus wrote of Harry, meeting him & his friends in the train. Of Harry’s worst memory. Of his own. He wrote of his time teaching students to defend against the horrors of the wizarding world. He wondered if Muggle Studies would prepare them for the horrors of everything else. Of loss, of pain, of stigma and prejudice and war and homelessness.

The scratch of the quill was soothing to him as he wrote. Peter Pettigrew on the Marauder’s Map he’d confiscated so it didn’t fall into the hands of Severus. Missing his Wolfsbane to race down the grounds and get the answers he so desperately needed. The real traitor and Sirius’s framing, the suspicion of a traitor and the thought it might be him. His best friends thought he might be the traitor. Because he was a werewolf? No, because no one could believe someone as dull and unnoticeable as Peter would be the real traitor.

He wrote about Severus finding the map when he came with the Wolfsbane, and of him finding all of them in the Shack. He hesitated before penning the story of his transformation, of how he endangered all of the people there that night. And Sirius had saved his life as Peter escaped.

Finishing up, he wrote about Severus’s desperation for Sirius to receive a Kiss from a Dementor. He told of Sirius’s miraculous escape with Buckbeak, Hagrid’s hippogryph. And he told of Severus “letting slip” that he was a werewolf to the school and the press.

A sharp rap came on the window and Remus tipped his inkpot, startled. Ink spilled across the parchment, his hands, and the desk. It spilled down onto his trousers. “Damn it,” he cursed, whipping his head up to look at the window. A colorful bird of some kind was perched on the sill, a letter clipped in its long beak. Shaking his hands to fling off excess ink, he got to his feet and reached for his wand. “Tergeo.” The ink evaporated and he crossed to the window.

His rough hands flung open the worn wood of the window, causing him to flinch at the blast of heat from outdoors. This humidity was oppressive and he idly wondered when things would cool off again as he held a hand out for the letter. The bird appreciated the gentle stroke Remus gave with his other. As he sank onto the edge of the bed, it didn’t seem in a rush to fly off. “Hang around, yeah?” he asked of it, though he knew it didn’t understand him. He’d never seen a bird like that before.

Opening the letter, he scanned it quickly. His heart skipped a few beats, fluttering as he recognized the disastrously messy handwriting. Sirius. He could hear the Animagus’s voice in his head as he read along each sentence quietly to himself.

“Moony,

“Sorry I haven’t written sooner. Took me awhile to find a place I could lay low. Parents’ place is empty, and they wouldn't expect me to go there, but seemed like it’d be bad for my health to go there directly after a long stint in Azkaban, yeah?

“It seems kind of cheap to say it in a letter, and you more than most should know I’m no good with words, but I need to apologize to you. For all of it. For endangering us the night I escaped. For not trusting you back then, for thinking you were a spy. If you’re anything still like you were when we were kids, I know you’ve prolly been beating yourself up over it, for being off on a mission when it happened. But s’not your fault, and I just need you to know that.

“I really want to see you again. I want to hear all about your life. To be frank, I wasn’t sure if you’d still be around after I got out. You always were a mopey one.” Here, Remus didn’t know whether to laugh or scowl. He chose somewhere in between with a huff. He continued. “Only found out when I went to Diagon Alley to get Harry’s Firebolt. Saw a class required reading list at Flourish & Blotts that had the books required for Professor R. J. Lupin’s DADA Class. Exceedingly glad you’re still around, mate.

“But I don’t know when it will be safe to tell you where I am, or when it will be safe to visit. I’ve kind of run out of things to say. But I can’t wait to hear about everything. I want to hear about your dad & mum, about what you’re listening to these days, about what’s going on in the wizarding world, and I really want to know if you’ve finally got yourself any tail. Before you find me just to kill me, I’m joking, but you can’t blame me for wondering, right?

“I’ve missed you so fucking deeply, my friend. Here’s to hoping we can meet again soon.

“Padfoot.”

The final word hung in the incredibly stagnant air and Remus let out a sigh. He let his hand drop and the letter flitted to the floor as he rubbed over his face with the other hand. He stroked his cheeks & jaw, the stubble prickling against his fingers as he contemplated writing a letter back. The many things he could and wanted to say were overwhelming, but he decided to both amuse and agitate Sirius by keeping it short.

_Padfoot,_

_Thank you. For the apology._

_And, you will be horrendously disappointed to know that I have not “got myself any tail,” but I’m sure your boyish charm didn’t do you any good in Azkaban, so I think it’s safe to assume you haven’t gotten any yourself in just as many years. Maybe I should get a head start while you’re still a known fugitive that even the Muggles are on the lookout for. At least the Muggles don’t know I’m a werewolf, I’d say I have a pretty good shot._

_Race you to the finish line,_

_Moony._


	3. Snapshots

_Moony,_

_I'm sorry to hear about your mum. I know I only met her a few times but Hope was really a delight, nicest person I've ever met outside of Euphemia Potter (rest her soul). She made the best hot chocolate, you should make it for me when we meet again._

Remus paused reading here, scratching at his temple absently as he looked away from the letter. His hand trailed down and clasped over his mouth as he inhaled slowly. In updating his old friend about his life, he had to deal with nasty reminders of things he'd prefer to forget.

_Wish I could tell you where I was. You'd probably hate it here, it's hot and wonderful, but you could use some time out of dreary fucking London, yeah? Get some sunlight for your pale scrawny ass._

Remus, scrawny? He shook his head. Sirius was one to talk these days, Azkaban wasn't a good look for anyone.

_Music's really different now, eh? Muggle music, I mean. Wizard music is still trash. Heard the Weird Sisters though, that's the kind of innovation the world of wizarding music really needed, isn't it? It's hard to get a good listen though, radio signal isn't great out here. Some tourists left their casette player behind on accident but the only damn tape in the deck was some girl, Mariah Carey. I'm telling you, Moons, I'm dying out here. Send me something from the good old days! I'm begging you, mate._

_Padfoot_

The werewolf couldn't help a chuckle at that. There were two things Sirius had been known for by his terrible family other than general mischief-making, and those two things were enjoying Muggle music and the company of Muggle women. The laughter only lasted a moment though as it faded. Now, he was out, but a fugitive, and despite no longer being captive in a hellish prison still could not enjoy his favorite past-times without great danger. And Sirius was known to be a risk-taker.

Remus slowly got to his feet, his arms stretching above his head as he tilted it to the left first, then the right. His joints popped and he crossed to a box of his things in the corner of his lodging. He was sure he still had it somewhere. The former professor didn't have many possessions, but what he did have was all sentimental. After a few moments of sifting, he found it. A single cassette tape. Sirius had a bit of a bad boy reputation, and tried to stick to music he thought upheld it. When James had found this one hidden behind some others in his collection, he hadn't let him live it down. In sulking embarrassment, Sirius tried to claim it wasn't his and stashed it in Remus's coat pocket. Of course, then James wanted to know why Remus left his things around Sirius's room. And so the joke went on.

Back at his desk, the tawny-haired man fished an envelope from his desk to ensure the tape would fit with the letter. It would. He fetched his quill and began his letter.

_Padfoot,_

_I hate to insult your arrogance, but I believe you're the scrawny one these days. Eat up on local cuisine, I'm sure you'll fill out in no time. How tan do you reckon we'll be when we see each other next? Want to take bets? My money's on the pale dreary Londoner, the shaggy dog abroad probably doesn't see the sun as much as he lets on. Plus, are you telling me all that fur doesn't make you miserable?_

_Good music? Hmm, I wonder how long it will be before you get your hands on something. What if you go the entire summer without finding a better tape? Your summer dreams, ripped right at the seams. But, I'm a good friend. I'm hopelessly devoted to getting you some good music._

_Don't have too much fun without me._

_Moony_

* * *

_Moony,_

_How could you do this to me? I can't believe you'd betray our friendship like this. So absolutely brutal. I thought you loved me! This is worse than when Prongs found it in the first place!_

_Really though, I can't believe you kept it all these years. Did it keep you company in the lonely, lonely nights you spent pining for me while I was locked away? Did Olivia Newton-John croon softly in your ear and remind you of the old days when you definitely were secretly in love with me (as everyone was)? Please, do tell._

_Joke's on you though, mate. No one suspects a dog. Wandered into a corner shop that had its doors wide open, everywhere does around here, you wouldn't believe it. Can't believe all this time in Azkaban and the_ year _after I get locked up they go and reinvent the vinyl into something so much smaller, these damn "CDs". Can't even play them in my box. But they had a cassette collection too. Waited till the shopkeep had his back turned then grabbed whatever could fit in my mouth and trotted off. Not much good, but there's a couple choice picks here. It'll keep me going for now._

_Truth be told, I'm used to the fur by now. Comforting in a weird way, even in a more tropical climate. Is that weird? Probably._

_How's the job hunt going?_

_Padfoot_

The job hunt was always a sour subject. Even in the two weeks it took to receive a response, Remus had rotten luck. The entire Wizarding World knew his secret now. The Ministry was never helpful with their constant back and forth battle on werewolf rights. Some places locked their doors and shuttered their windows when he approached. Sometimes he received an application back in the mail with a "Never contact us again" scrawled on the bottom.

"Useless," he muttered to himself, his scarred hands massaging his face miserably. All his studies, his near flawless grades in Hogwarts, his reputation as a professor, all smashed to dust with just a single comment from Snape to the tabloids. He'd received countless demands via owl post from that horrible Skeeter woman who wrote for the Prophet, wanting him to comment officially. He remembered her coverage of the initial Death Eater trials and made a promise to himself not to get involved, but since then she'd been sure to fill her columns with libelous quips about his insistence to remain private. Damned if he did, damned if he didn't.

He fell back onto the dingy inn mattress, his face still covered by his hands. Remus mused on Sirius's fur comment. It had been 13 years locked in fucking Azkaban and Sirius was "used to" being a literal dog. Meanwhile, Remus himself had been a werewolf for more than twice that and still couldn't shake the fear and hatred of his wolf form. Then again, he supposed Padfoot at least wasn't a monster.


	4. Moving

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter wasn't rewritten at all, just moved places in the story. All the chapters after this will either be entirely new, or edited versions of the chapters I previously deleted.

More than a year had passed and Remus, despite the regular letters from Sirius with updates on his tropical escapades, felt lonelier than ever. Harry was enduring the trials of the Triwizard Tournament and despite knowing Mad-Eye was a capable spellcaster, he was constantly worrying whether the boy knew how to protect himself, and he couldn't be there to help.

So when he received a letter from Sirius confessing he was somewhere nearby to try and help Harry, he was furious. If not for the necessity for Sirius to stay hidden, Remus would have sent him a Howler.

_Padfoot,_

_Are you daft? Connecting to the Floo Network? Really? Is that the smartest idea you've had? I can't believe you. You're asking to be caught. You're jeopardizing everything. We need you. The Order needs you, whether you want to be a part of it or not. Once things are sorted, you're going to have to make a choice, and I hope you'll make the right one. And if you do, you won't be able to risk things like this._

_And Padfoot, I need you._

_I can't believe you didn't tell me you would be close._

_I'm disappointed in you, Padfoot. After everything, I thought you'd have some sense to be more careful._

_Moony_

A mere few hours after he'd sent the letter, another bird came to his window. He gave the thing a pat on the head and sent it on its way, sitting down with the letter.

_Moony,_

_That's rich, you jumping down my throat for moving all over the place and not telling you about it. Aren't you supposed to be looking for work & lodging yourself? Or is that just too difficult when you're busy feeling sorry for yourself?_

It was signed with a sloppy paw print instead of a name. It wasn't often that he got upset like this, but Remus slammed a fist on his desk in anger. He turned and tossed the letter into the air, slashing his wand through the air and lighting it on fire. He had to destroy letters for secrecy, but it felt good to watch that one burn nonetheless.


	5. Needing

It had been many years since he'd been to this place, and he'd only visited the once. Being a half-blood and a werewolf meant he wasn't welcome, he had only dropped by to steal Sirius away to the Potters'. As he Apparated onto precisely the top step with his bags, he gazed up at the grime-stained panels and bricks, a sense of dread weighting his stomach. He knew it was unreasonable and that this was a safehouse now, but for some reason the sight still made him nauseous.

The knob turned easily in his grip and he swung the heavy front door open. As he entered, his coat caught on something in the entrance. He gave it a tug and there was a loud screech - an umbrella stand made from what appeared to be the leg of a troll dragged across the floor towards him. He stooped to prevent it from falling, but the noise it had made was already an issue apparently, as the drapes of a portrait on the wall flew open.

" _Filth! Dirty werewolf, son of a blood traitor! Mutant! Monster! Get out!_ " The portrait appeared to be of Walburga Black, Sirius's mother whom Remus had only had the misfortune of meeting once. She shrieked at him until he managed to wrestle the curtains shut.

The echo of her cries subsided and an eerie silence filled the hall. Was this the place he was really expected to live in? Remus knew he shouldn't complain, as after all it was a place to live, but 12 Grimmauld Place held such a dark and depressing atmosphere.

He stooped over to pick up his trunk and before he could see what was happening, a figure had come rushing down the stairs and slammed him up against a wall. "Who the hell–" he shouted in shock, every inch of his body tensing for a fight as he reached for his wand.

An arm blocked his own and sent his wand flying and he didn't know what was happening, things were moving too quickly. A mouth was suddenly covering his own and in surprise he managed to shove the person off of him. He blinked in confusion, "Sirius–?" he asked, before the slightly older man shoved him back against the wall again.

"Shut the fuck up, Moony," he demanded, and before Remus could protest Sirius was kissing him again. Was it kissing? The werewolf wasn't sure. He hissed as Sirius bit at his lip, as their teeth clashed and a tongue entered his mouth. Kissing, then. Grunting as he felt a hand tugging his hair, Remus surprised himself by clutching the front of Sirius' robes and pulling the shorter wizard's body against his.

After a few moments of complete confusion mixed with a sudden desperation in their kiss, he again shoved Sirius back, harder this time. "You're drunk," he spat, the taste of alcohol from Sirius's lips lingering on his own. "What are you doing?"

The look on the Animagus's face was a strange cross of determination and defeat. Or maybe it was longing, not defeat. It was hard to tell. The sound he made was somewhere between a growl and a moan. "I'm not drunk. I need this, Moony. Please," he pleaded. "Besides, you seemed to be enjoying it," he said pointedly, approaching Remus again.

"I-I– No, you're– What is this?" Remus flustered, his pale face flushing a light shade of red. He didn't know whether to be angry or humiliated, and instead settled on confused.

Sirius hesitantly took a step towards Remus, who remained frozen in place and made no motion to stop him. "Are you telling me you hadn't thought of this too?" he placed a hand firmly on Remus's bicep, squeezing gently. The intensity of his expression as their eyes met made the werewolf look away.

In all honesty, Remus had never considered anything like this. He'd never entertained any thoughts of Sirius in that way, but his face flushed darker as a sensation of realization crashed down on him. He'd spend so much time sulking over his friend being gone, and been so overwhelmed with conflicting feelings when Sirius came back into his life, that he hadn't taken time to think of what he actually wanted or what he was really feeling beneath it all. Is this what he wanted? He wasn't sure.

A sigh escaped his lips. He still looked almost hurt, almost angry, but he suddenly reached up and grabbed Sirius by his elbows, pulling him to his chest and this time he was the one who initiated the harsh and frantic kiss.

He scowled as he felt Sirius's lips turn up in a smirk, and reluctantly stepped backwards as the dark-haired man pressed on his chest, pushing him back towards the sitting room. By the time they were inside, Sirius was the one walking backwards, pulling Remus down on top of him onto a rather uncomfortable loveseat.

Remus was inundated with so many scents it was dizzying. He had a feeling his stay here in Grimmauld Place would be an assault on his senses, and it made it hard to concentrate on what was happening beneath him. His strong nose picked up on the horrific smell of old leather that had been oiled over the course of decades, of the charcoal and ash in the fireplace nearby, of the thick layer of dust that coated almost everything that wasn't a sitting surface. He could smell the alcohol on Sirius's heaving breath and his sweat and was that a cologne? It smelled strongly of spice and maybe frankincense.

This time it was Sirius's turn to hiss as Remus accidentally nicked his lip with the tip of one of his canine teeth, drawing blood. " _Fuck_ ," he groaned, tilting his head back. "Sorry," Remus whispered against his lips.

" _Don't be_." Sirius's words were so sharp that Remus couldn't help but shiver. He inhaled sharply as Sirius ground his hips up against him, revealing his wants. The old leather of the couch creaked beneath them and against his belt. His buckle dug into his waist and he grimaced.

He felt Sirius's hand grab his own gloved one, guiding it between them. Remus quickly twisted his arm, his strong grasp encircling Sirius's wrist and drawing it up, pinning it against the arm of the loveseat. The Black almost whimpered in response.

"Touch me, Moons. For the love of Merlin, I'm begging you," he implored.

"You don't want me," Remus scoffed, though his actions weren't so sure as his mouth was still on Sirius's.

"I do," Sirius insisted, grinding upwards again. "And I can tell you want me too."

Remus was still for a few moments before suddenly sitting up. Sirius was going to say something, opening his mouth to do so, but before he got any words out Remus cut him off with a curt "Don't." He wasn't going anywhere, and that became apparent as Sirius saw him hurriedly yanking his gloves off, so there was no need to protest. He leaned forward to remove his coat, and in his haste he heard a seam rip. He didn't care. As he sat back up properly he threw the coat to the floor and felt Sirius sit up beside him.

Sirius straddled Remus's lap, his hands making quick work of Remus's belt. If Remus was nervous, he didn't show it, his eyes heavily lidded as he watched. His entire body was tense but he didn't stop Sirius, until–

"Don't," he growled as Sirius went for the button. "Not... not yet."

"Fine," Sirius snapped back. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand before going in for another kiss.

Remus was convinced he was losing his mind in that moment. He must have died the night he ran loose in the Forbidden Forest and this was all some horrible dream world. Sirius was alive, was here, and was on top of him. And he wanted it so terrifically.

He gripped Sirius's hips and pulled his friend down on him as Sirius moved to kiss down his jaw line and nip at his ear. He quickly inhaled through gritted teeth as their obvious erections slid against each other through their trousers.

" _Fuck_ , Moony," Sirius growled, his whole body shuddering.

"We're not teenagers anymore, Sirius. You will call me Remus," the younger man uttered harshly.

"Fine, _Remus_ ," Sirius retorted. He grinned against Remus's skin as he felt him stiffen. "Remus," he breathed again, softer this time, into Remus's ear.

Is this what sex was normally like? Remus wondered how he'd missed out on this for so many years. Then again, the reason he'd missed out on it was right here rectifying that situation right now.

Hearing his name on Sirius's breath like that was driving him mad. He reached one hand up to grab him by the jaw, pulling his mouth to his again, more desperate than before. The friction of his denim jeans and the stitching around their fly against his cock as they frotted was almost unbearable - it was rough and he was sure he'd be raw by the end of this but at the same time it pushed him closer and closer to the edge. Their mouths continued to mash against each other and Remus had found how much he enjoyed snogging.

It only took a matter of minutes before Remus's entire body was trembling. The flow of adrenaline was causing his heart to pound harder than it had in years and he couldn't stop his eyes from watering. He felt dangerously close to losing control, the same sort of feeling he had before he normally transformed into a dangerous monster. Suddenly realizing this, he felt sick, his stomach turning and not in a good way.

"S-Sirius, I... I... I can't," he panted as the dark-haired man continued to thrust against him. Nausea rose in his throat and he bit back bile.

"Yes you can," Sirius replied easily.

"N-no. You don't... ah... _fuck_ –"

"Don't understand?" Sirius offered. He loved hearing Remus swear, rare as it was. Completely oblivious to the turmoil happening within the man beneath him, he continued. "I think I understand better than most, Remus." His voice was surprisingly calm and level. "I've been right beside you for that before."

Somewhere in the very back of his subconscious Remus was wondering how Sirius had practically read his mind, but in the moment he couldn't think about it. He was gritting his teeth, his eyes shut in what couldn't be distinguished as either pain or pleasure. "Sirius, please, I can't–"

" _Yes, you can,_ " Sirius shot back. He sat back a little and in one fluid movement had popped open the button on Remus's fly and undone the zipper. In the next moment, he had palmed Remus's hardness.

With a graceless shove Sirius thumped to the floor, pushed away viciously by Remus, who was suddenly on his feet.

" _I said no,_ " he spat. His form was still quivering but the look in his eyes had gone from desire to fury. There was a soft popping sound and Sirius's eyes dropped to Remus's hands. His fingers had begun to lengthen and shift - they were always the first to go - and a trickle of blood dripped to the floor as the werewolf dug his sprouting claws into his palms, trying to ground himself and halt the transformation.

The Animagus scrambled to his feet, holding his hands out in front of himself defensively as he took a step back. "M-moony, I'm sorry, I-I... I didn't realize... I didn't think--"

"No, you didn't think," Remus gruffed. "So I see that hasn't changed." The former professor leaned down to scoop up his discarded outerwear, the blood from his palms smearing across his coat. "What a warm welcome this has been." Before Sirius could protest, Remus had pushed past him, their shoulders colliding roughly for a moment. In silence, he retired to the guest room he'd be staying in. "Don't follow me," he loudly emphasized as he shut himself in.

Tossing his things to the floor, he locked the bedroom door and passed straight into the connected bathroom. Without even undressing, he turned the water as hot as it would go and stepped in. Sliding to a sitting position, a sob harshly ripped from his throat. He pressed his palms to his eyes for a moment in stress, then held his hands out under the water, watching the blood wash down the drain.


End file.
